The Alternative to Tucker Max

http://www.prospect.org/cs/articles?article=whats_the_alternative_to_tucker_max

“What’s the alternative to Tucker Max?” by Courtney Martin brings up an interesting point. We are all working towards a common goal, no matter what our job entails. Whether it is challenging masculinity or educating the community about sexual assault and domestic violence, we all have something we want to accomplish. Martin introduces a valid concern—the idea that society knows what it doesn’t want, but doesn’t necessarily know what it DOES want or how to achieve it. For example, men involved in movements to stop violence against women know they do not want to be perceived as misogynistic, stone-hearted rapists. However, do they know what they DO want? If you asked a man on the street, “How do you want women to perceive you?” what would he say? Are you likely to get an honest answer? It’s not likely; not because he is lying, but because he himself probably does not know.

Society doesn’t want men to be misogynistic rapists. Men don’t want men to be seen as misogynistic rapists. And yet, society doesn’t seem to want men to be overly-sensitive and emotional, and thus, men don’t seem to want that for themselves either. But then we have to ask ourselves an important question—what do we want? For any purpose, it’s great to know what we don’t want for ourselves; it’s an important starting point. But destroying an identity without knowing what we want to replace it with is a dangerous act. We need to take a step back and evaluate what we’re trying to achieve—not just what we’re going to change, but also what we’re going to replace it with. As Martin says, “Fighting against the world that we don't want is a critical first step, but fighting for the world that we do want is where liberation truly begins.”

“Blaming by Naming: Battered Women and the Epidemic of Codependence”

Phyllis Frank and Gail Golden’s “Blaming by Naming: Battered Women and the Epidemic of Codependence” offers a unique viewpoint on the use of the term ‘codependent’ to describe battered women. The concept of codependency was originally used to describe individuals who enable relationships with substance abusers and fail to leave them. However, describing battered women as ‘codependent’ because they are not able to leave their abusers is, according to Frank and Golden, another form of victim blaming. They bring up an interesting point: nowadays, codependency is defined as “a pattern of painful dependency on compulsive behavior and approval seeking in order to gain safety, identity, and self-worth (Rockland County, 1990). Does this definition, then, include anyone who is in a less-than-adequate marriage? Can we, as a society, label more than half the population with this clinical condition, simply because they do not leave their partner? Frank and Houghton (1987) make the implication in saying that ‘co’ implies a shared responsibility for a behavior, which, in this case, is referring to the abuse itself. This contradicts everything we teach—that victims are never responsible for the behavior of their abusers!
We must consider whether ‘codependent’ truly describes a battered woman (hint: it does not!) or whether women are socialized by a patriarchal society to disregard their own well being to care for others and assume responsibility for the behavior of a partner. Since domestic violence is a community problem, we, as a community, need to make sure that the terms we are using to describe the problem aren’t compounding the problem into its existing form.

Response to Apology made by Jason Smathers

On Wednesday, October 28th, The Badger Herald ran the following ASO:

“ASO to the girl who not only passed out while we were fooling around, but then woke up and asked, ‘is it gonna hurt?’ then proceeded to pass out again. I’m still wondering, does that count as consent?”

Many student organizations, as well as other concerned students, have responded to this ASO by writing letters to the editor. Following the mass of e-mails received between Wednesday and Thursday, Jason Smathers, editor-in-chief, published an "apology" for this horrendous ASO. Notice the quotation marks. Rather than conveying a sincere apology, Smathers decided to come up with all the reasons of why the printing of this ASO wasn't his fault. As PAVE's Media Advocate, I submitted a letter to Mr. Smathers.

Dear Jason Smathers,
This was a nice attempt at an apology. However, it was one that took the form of “I’m sorry, but…”. That hardly counts. Instead of making excuses for why this ASO got published in the first place, you should have published something to tell students you understand the repercussions of publishing something of this nature. I felt like you were trying to justify your actions more than you were trying to apologize. And the response you got from organizations was NOT exaggerated by any means; in fact, I wish more people bombarded you with e-mails. This was not an organized and concerted effort to shame you—you are completely missing the point. The emails were only meant to call your attention to this issue to ensure that this type of mistake does not happen again. This should have been a great opportunity for you to open up a dialogue about WHY this was an inappropriate comment to make and take a stance against these issues rather than simply saying you "take these issues very seriously." All in all, I’m glad you made the effort to apologize for this, but next time, try to defend yourself a little less and realize that saying “I take full responsibility for the incident” while naming your article ” A Qualified but Sincere Apology” simply does not cut it.

The fact that Smathers and his staff thought student responses to this ASO were exaggerated and inflated shows everyone that Smathers, in fact, does not understand the implications of publishing this ASO, and that the dialogue he claimed occurred among his staff clearly did not occur to the extent that it should have.

RAINN is hosting a poster competition! Check their their website for more information.

PAVE is Hiring!

PAVE will be hiring an additional Peer Education Coordinator to co-coordinate the Peer Education class with the existing Peer Education Coordinator this spring semester. Please note that strongest candidates will be able to commit to the position for two semesters - spring 2010 and fall 2010 - as well as some work in the summer. The start date for the position is November 30, 2009.

Qualifications

• Must be currently enrolled as a student at UW-Madison

• Must have completed the Peer Education course (Social Work 672) prior to position start date (students currently enrolled may apply)
  

• Solid commitment to PAVE’s mission statement and to ending sexual/domestic violence

• Willing to commit necessary time to the position in order to help the organization be successful by coordinating efforts to offer peer to peer educational workshops to campus

• Previous experience in training peer educators and facilitating small groups

• Encourage feedback to promote positive dialogue during educational sessions

• Previous teaching experience preferred

• Exceptional organizational and verbal skills

• Detail oriented and conscientious

• Experience working with volunteers

• Commitment to the partnership between the School of Social Work and PAVE

• Knowledge of sexual assault, dating violence and primary violence prevention strategies

If interested, please submit a cover letter and resume to uwpavechair@gmail.com by 6:00pm on Monday, November 9. Also email uwpavechair@gmail.com with any questions or concerns you may have. Please see attachment for full job description.

V-Day

Registration Opens Today for V-Day 2010 Campaign Events! Experience the power of art and activism in action. Join V-Day and the thousands of activists at colleges and communities around the world who stage V-Day benefit productions of The Vagina Monologues -- and other artistic works licensed by V-Day -- to raise awareness and funds to end violence against women in their communities. Each year during V-Season, V-Day events take place on college campuses and in communities, theaters, churches, and cafes worldwide educating millions about the issue and raising much needed funds for local anti-violence groups. Every year, organizers just like you have raised millions of dollars for groups working on the ground to end violence against women and girls. Sign up and make a difference in your colleges and communities! Learn About the Guidelines for Joining > Bring V-Day to your city, your community, your college, your university or your high school. SIGN UP HERE! Join us. Until The Violence Stops! NEW! V-Men Workshops V-Day invites men and boys throughout the world to join V-Day in 2010 as we launch the first phase of V-Men. Developed by men, V-Men is a new program inviting the voices of men and boys into the worldwide movement and the dialogue about ending violence against women and girls. V-Men will work with men and boys in communities to address the issue of violence against women from a male perspective, addressing the root causes of the violence and the ways men can help end it. Over the next year V-Day organizers will hold V-Men workshops, consisting of a PowerPoint presentation compiled by a dedicated committee of V-Men, along with an overview for hosting a workshop to engage men in a dialogue about ending violence against women. These workshops will lead to the development of a V-Men theatrical piece, scheduled to debut for V-Season 2011. Sign up to Hold a V-Men Workshop > NEW V-Men Column: "Healing Work: A Poetic Memoir" by Yolo Akili As a little boy I watched daily as the men in my life terrorized women through acts of control, aggression, and violence. These same men also worked hard to beat out of me any expression they deemed "feminine" and "weak." Because of this I grew up with an awareness early on that something was wrong with the men in my world. It was an understanding so simple and yet so precise: These men were in pain. A lot of pain. What was this pain? Had you asked me then I would not have known. Continue Reading > Visit the web address below to tell your friends about this. Tell-a-friend! If you received this message from a friend, you can sign up for V-Day. This message was sent to chotvedt@uhs.wisc.edu. Visit your subscription management page to modify your email communication preferences or update your personal profile. To stop ALL email from V-Day, click to remove yourself from our lists (or reply via email with "remove or unsubscribe" in the subject line).

DVAM

PAVE is a student organization dedicated to preventing sexual assault and dating/domestic violence through education and activism ~PAVE’s mission

How do we wrap our heads around such a big task? Where do we see our results? In other words, how can we measure our progress?

When working towards social change, it’s difficult to persevere and not get frustrated from time to time. Here you are, putting in 110% effort and your heart and soul into something…and then you overhear a conversation between two guys: “Dude, she did not seem into you at all…” –“That **** should have gotten raped last night.”

Before you start working in this field, you are bluntly told not to expect a complete revolution as a result of your work. You will not be able to stop sexual assaults from occurring. You can’t change the entire world with one workshop or one performance put on by a keynote speaker. You can only work to change people’s attitudes, and hope they use what they learn in their own lives. But does any of that sink in? Nope. You will still go into your first workshop hoping that people will be fascinated by the information you are presenting and want to join your campaign to end all forms of violence. Sometimes you won’t be disappointed—sometimes you will encounter a group of men who are shocked by the information you presented and wanted to step up and help change the world. Unfortunately, that is a rare response.

What do you do when people get defensive and refuse to acknowledge that a problem exists? Doesn’t that interfere with accomplishing your mission?

The answer is both yes and no. Obviously, any sort of resistance makes it harder to work towards a goal. But these are no more than obstacles that must be overcome, nothing more than a challenge to test our determination and passion. Hearing an upsetting comment and getting an angry response from a group that saw your workshop may be a setback, but only temporarily. All of that is entirely worth your discomfort, if in the end, you managed to reach one person in that group and convince him/her that sexual assault and dating/domestic violence are community problems that can be addressed and prevented, if only we work together. Convince that one person, and you never know could happen—he or she could become the next great leader in the movement.

That being said, I wanted to reflect a bit about Wambui Bahati’s presentation this past Tuesday. Wamhui Bahati is a motivational speaker; in light of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, PAVE invited Wambui to perform her one women show, ”I Am Domestic Violence,” in which she takes on the characters of Domestic Violence and the people who are affected by it. The performance was very emotional and attention-catching. I enjoyed every minute of it. I was most impressed with Wambui’s honesty. In the Q&A session following her performance, someone asked Wambui what she hopes to see happen as a result of her performances. I was expecting her to say something along the lines of “stopping domestic violence.” I was pleasantly surprised when, instead, she answered,”I don’t expect to solve domestic violence, only to draw attention to it. This is just a way of catching the attention of people who would not ordinarily pay attention to a speech.” Instead of offering a distinct solution to domestic violence (does anyone have one?), Wambui suggested a more spiritual approach to gaining self-worth. Although self-worth by no means prevents domestic violence, those who have higher self-worth will be more equipped to leave their abusive partners.

DVAM was a huge success. Not only did everyone love Wambui and her performance, but I think we all came out of there feeling a little more empowered than we did coming in. Here’s to many more empowering moments!