Beware! Predator on the Loose! or Why SOs and ASOs fail again

So much of the press we hear about sexual assaults have titles like this one. They dramatize the very real and traumatic stranger assaults that occur on our streets, in our homes, and, most recently on campus, the Nat. Accurate reporting and informing the community of dangers is important; don't get me wrong. It's also too easy to just blame the press. They write headlines like this because that's what the public calls "news."

We. Are. That. Public. Which also means we can change that demand.

My problem is that the predators on college campuses that we aren't talking about aren't out roaming the streets. They stalk and groom their victims, they perpetrate multiple times, and rely on a culture of shame and fear to keep the victims silent. They identify who is most vulnerable and often, gain the trust of their victims. They are methodical and often don't see what they are doing as wrong.

This is the typology of a campus rapist. He's a "nice guy;" he's not a guy in a mask with a knife. He invited her to the party after a week of flirting, knowing she was a freshman. He never let her beer cup get empty, even after she said, "I don't think I should have anymore, thanks." And he relies on all of us to turn a blind eye when he takes her upstairs to "get some air" or "lie down for a bit." He even brags about it when he's done. He "hit that," even if she was struggling, unsure, intoxicated, or telling him to stop.

Dr. David Lisak has devoted much of the past 20 years to understanding sexual perpetrators, and has found that a very small percentage of college aged men are perpetrators. That's the great news. Most guys aren't rapists. In one of his more recent studies, he found that MOST campus assaults were happening at the hands of a very small number of men. It's just that most of US don't think of that small percentage of serial rapists as bad guys.

* We talk ourselves out of believing that he could have done anything wrong, since the behaviors are so normalized and accepted.

* We talk ourselves out of believing that he could have done anything wrong, since he's such a nice guy.

* We talk ourselves out of believing that anything could have gone wrong, because if we were at the party, we wouldn't have let a rape happen, right?

One of UW-Madison's student newspapers has a "Shout Out" (SO) feature. Essentially, a SO is a holla. A thumbs up. A nod. For example, "SO to PAVE! What an awesome student org!" ASO=Anti Shout Out. In short, an ASO is a roll of the eyes. A dislike.

Electronic SOs are submitted to the Badger Herald, which are then reviewed for content before they are posted live. This rigorous process resulted in the following being posted on Monday:

Badgerherald.com/shoutouts

573. Monday, Sep. 13, 2010 @ 4:36pm:

SO to the females of the Class of 2014, you will help make our freshmen hunt monumental. ASO to only having 2 points so far...

I'm closing by pasting an excerpt of one of the serial rapists that David Lisak interviewed. Read it. And then tell me that this shout out is funny. Or harmless. Let's check ourselves, because this guy isn't going to--and WE are the ones who need to notice, intervene, and speak up.

This guy below was in a fraternity. That's not the point. He happened to be in a fraternity, and he was a serial rapist. But fraternity or not, "Frank" is out there. He's on this campus, he's talking about hunting freshman women, and he's tallying up the points. The points are people. Your sisters, your roommates, the girl who sits next to you in class.

Frank: We had parties almost every weekend. My fraternity was known for that. We would invite a bunch of girls and lay out the kegs or whatever we were drinking that night and everyone would get plastered. We would all invite girls, all of us in the fraternity. We’d be on the lookout for good looking girls, especially freshmen, the real young ones. They were the easiest, it’s like we knew they wouldn’t know the ropes kind of, it’s like they were easy prey. They wouldn’t know anything about drinking, about how much alcohol they could manage, and they wouldn’t know anything about our techniques.

Interviewer: What were those techniques?

Frank: We’d invite them to the party and we’d make it seem like it was a real honor, like we didn’t invite just any girl, which I guess is true [laughs]. And we’d get them drinking right away. We’d have a bunch of kegs but we almost always had some kind of punch also, it was almost like our own home brew. We’d make it real sweet, you know, we’d use some kind of sweet juice and then we’d just throw in all kinds of alcohol. It was powerful stuff. And these girls wouldn’t know what hit them. They’d all be just guzzling the stuff because it was just juice, right, and they were so nervous being there because they were just freshmen anyway.

Interviewer: When you say it was just juice, you mean the girls wouldn’t know it was spiked with alcohol?

Frank: They would know, they knew that. At least the smart ones did. I mean, This was a party, not some kind of social tea, so I think they must have known, or most of them did anyway. The ones that didn’t had to be real naïve.

Interviewer: Did you count on them being naïve?

Frank: Yeah, I guess in a way we did. The real young and naïve ones were the easiest. They’d be plastered in minutes and they’d be our real targets.

Interviewer: What do you mean by “targets”?

Frank: That’s what we called them. We’d all be scouting for targets during the week. We’d pick them out and work them over during the week, get them all psyched to come to one of our famous parties. And they’d be the ones we’d really work on.

Interviewer: What would happen once they were drunk at the party?

Frank: That’s when one of us would make a move. By then each girl would be kind of staked out, meaning one of the guys would be working on her, getting her drinks, keeping the juice flowing so to speak. And you had to kind of pick your moment to make your move, you know, you basically had to have an instinct for it.

Dr. David Lisak's re-enacted interview of "Frank" can be ordered here: http://www.legalmomentum.org/assets/pdfs/undetected-rapist-flyer-09.pdf