tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52366308748155965302024-02-07T17:07:57.713-08:00UW-Madison PAVE: March 2011Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-19208555250969733222011-10-25T11:15:00.000-07:002012-12-03T06:41:45.801-08:00'Waitress' emphasizes importance of addressing domestic abuse<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDakNy50bsX_qWv0QXtO_uQ7ZvP2aXUmzGTPvu9xM_oY47xUoq-RbvJybIx7xnVfV3PXFiJ9mCGILcHJihzi7nHovQ-D0M_g_jf_q2LL5ODzHtYSoctT8YR1aTy8qdbcYQpTfpWyIGfrE/s1600/WaitressMovie.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 160px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDakNy50bsX_qWv0QXtO_uQ7ZvP2aXUmzGTPvu9xM_oY47xUoq-RbvJybIx7xnVfV3PXFiJ9mCGILcHJihzi7nHovQ-D0M_g_jf_q2LL5ODzHtYSoctT8YR1aTy8qdbcYQpTfpWyIGfrE/s320/WaitressMovie.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5667495483150558946" /></a><br /><br />Three women sit on a bench outside of a the small-town diner where they work as waitresses. They start up what appears to be a conversation familiar to them. Dawn: "But now here you are [Jenna], married to this handsome guy … who's got very good hair, and pregnant with a little girl. But neither of us would trade places with you for one second, now would we Becky?"<br /><br />Becky: "No we wouldn't, Dawn, No we wouldn't."<br /><br />As the offending, attractive-haired husband in question, Earl, tears into the parking lot to pick up Jenna, the nature of the waitresses' conversation becomes clear: Earl is a controlling jerk.<br /><br />Earl speaks in a threatening tone and reacts with satisfaction when Jenna gives in to his every command. As he proceeds to collect all of Jenna's tips from the day and threatens to make her leave her job, the viewer gets the uncomfortable feeling that Jenna is walking on egg shells with her every move around Earl.<br /><br />The film, "Waitress," depicts between 600,000 and 6 million women's realities in the United States per year. This number doesn't take into the account the number of men who experience the same violence and control. While women do make up the majority of domestic violence victim, 15 percent of those affected are male.<br /><br />The myth that only physical abuse can be considered domestic violence saturates the media. Films and television shows typically show cases of murders or extreme physical attacks. This is an important and very real occurrence in the world. The Domestic Violence Resource Center states, "On average, more than three women and one man are murdered by their intimate partners in this country every day." However, a typical case can be much more subtle and complex.<br /><br />As demonstrated in "Waitress," domestic abuse includes much more than physical abuse; intimidation, isolation, emotional and financial abuse are all common weapons perpetrators use to control their victim. Perpetrators can lower the victim's self-esteem, restrict the victim from seeing or speaking with friends and family, and control their access to finances.<br /><br />These all serve to keep the victim under their control and create major barriers that keep them from leaving. It is important to recognize that these behaviors are just as serious and abusive as physical attacks and are often more difficult to detect.<br />With young people comprising almost half of domestic violence cases, it's important to remember these myths when observing relationships in our daily lives. Whether for our personal relationships or those of our friends and family, it is necessary to keep an eye out for these traits. They are neither excusable nor normal; they are indicative of a violent relationship and must be taken seriously.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment (PAVE) is a student organization dedicated to ending sexual assault, dating/domestic violence and stalking on the UW-Madison campus through education and activism. In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, PAVE will be screening "Waitress" on Tuesday, October 25 at 7 p.m. in Ogg Hall. </span><br /><br />-Olivia Jonynas<br /><br />**As published in <a href="http://www.dailycardinal.com/opinion/waitress-movie-emphasizes-importance-of-adressing-domestic-abuse-1.2661779#.Tqb8rWWvDag">The Daily Cardinal</a>
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-85466226704153874942011-10-12T10:49:00.000-07:002012-12-03T06:43:03.120-08:00Cosmopolitan and sexual assault reporting on campusThe September issue of Cosmopolitan features an article that hits home
for many students here at UW-Madison. Molly Triffin ‘s “The Scary Truth
About Rape on Campus” details the flawed systems for reporting and
processing sexual assault cases in universities across the country. It
shares personal stories of victims who were failed by these systems on
their campuses, one of whom attended UW-Madison. Although it is
certainly wonderful that Cosmo is giving this issue national attention,
there are several problems with the article and its presentation.<br /><br />The
article uses specific examples and personal stories from victims to
communicate the severity of the problem with reporting sexual assaults
on college campuses. However, Triffin fails to honor the survivors in
her article by using victim-blaming language. According to her, all of
these women were “allegedly” assaulted. Each statement about their
assaults is qualified first by words that imply the possibility that
these women are lying. They “claimed” to have been assaulted. They “say”
that this horrible thing happened to them. These seemingly miniscule
changes remove all blame from the perpetrator and place responsibility
for the assault on the victim herself.<br /><br />Victim blaming is
prevalent throughout the article. It is heavily implied that those
victims who choose not to report their assaults are somehow wrong.
Laura, the UW-Madison student who waited a year before coming forward
with her story, seems to have her reasons for hesitation trivialized.
Rather than address how incredibly difficult it is to report a sexual
assault to school authorities or the police, Triffin instead outright
states that victims simply “don't want to believe it happened to them.”
Again, Triffin's article places all responsibility on victims. She seems
to invalidate the reasons a survivor of sexual assault may have for not
reporting, and ultimately hold victims responsible for cases where the
assailant is not convicted. She also ignores the possibility that some
victims don’t feel reporting to the police or campus officials is the
right step for them.<br /><br />The article goes on to completely disregard a
victim's right to privacy. Triffin poses the question, “So why don't
[colleges] turn these cases over to the police?” Without the consent of a
victim, no college should ever consider sending a case onto local
police. It is entirely up to the victim should they decide to file a
police report in addition to a report to campus authorities. Triffin
offers the rather unsatisfactory answer that “students want to keep the
matter private,” and does not acknowledge that a police report is not
always what is best for the victim.<br /><br />On top of the victim blaming
that litters the story, there is a sense of hypocrisy present.
Cosmopolitan, while helping to normalize female sexuality, is not a
terribly socially conscious magazine. It is completely hetero-normative,
only discussing women and their sexual encounters with men. The
magazine portrays the sexes in stereotypical ways: Men are masculine and
women are feminine. End of discussion. And while the magazine does
promote the still taboo subject of female sexuality, it spends the
majority of its pages telling women how to please their men, oftentimes
boiling down the success of a relationship to conforming to gender norms
and doing whatever her man wants her to do in the bedroom.<br /><br />As
these trends demonstrate, Cosmopolitan doesn’t understand the forces
behind rape culture and how sexual assault happens. Until they magazine
demonstrates it has educated itself about the implications of gender
norms, how the language we use perpetuates rape culture, what victim
blaming is and how it happens and, perhaps most important, how to
support a survivor, it will be difficult to take moves like this
seriously.<br /><br />If an impact is really to be made, then the inclusion
of the occasional article on sexual assault is not enough. Before Cosmo
puts itself at the forefront of the movement to stop sexual violence,
perhaps some of its content should be reevaluated to promote a healthier
idea of sexuality.<br /><br />-Tessie Benser
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-61006014410328957912011-10-06T13:59:00.000-07:002012-12-03T06:44:14.591-08:00Observing DVAM as a survivorThroughout October, UW-PAVE will host a number of events for Domestic
Violence Awareness Month. For many in the campus community, these events
will truly bring them awareness about an issue that has long been
called a "silent epidemic." But for those of us who are plenty aware of
the current pervasiveness of domestic, dating and intimate partner
violence--whether through prevention work, as survivors ourselves or
both--this month can be both an energizing and personally trying time. I
have met so many people like me who have become advocates because our
own DV experiences, wanting to take an active role in helping end the
cycle. But during DVAM, and really every other month of the year, we
cannot advocate for others until we advocate for ourselves. To that end,
I highly recommend the book "Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide To
Caring For Self While Caring For Others" by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky.
This text has been making its rounds in social work offices across the
country since its 2010 publication (it was gifted to me by a facilitator
from the Seattle-based non-profit The NW Network of LGBTQ Survivors of
Abuse last year). Lipsky helps "anyone who interacts with the suffering,
pain and crisis of others or our planet" empower themselves to find
healthy paths of response to these daily interactions. "Trauma
Stewardship" can be found at most bookstores and libraries, so do
yourself a favor and check it out. Take care PAVEers!<br /><br />In solidarity,<br />Anjali
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-54591325751291841112011-10-05T12:11:00.000-07:002012-12-03T06:46:26.246-08:00Help exists for domestic abuse victimsWhen most people think of October, they picture falling leaves, football games and wrapping themselves up in layers before heading to class. However, October has a significant meaning for Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment (PAVE), a student organization on campus.<br /><br />October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), a nationally recognized time of observance and action. This year, PAVE is taking a stand for the UW-Madison, creating awareness about domestic violence's existence on campus.<br /><br />Domestic violence is an ongoing pattern of behavior in a relationship where one person exerts power and control over another. This includes physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse. As such, no one, regardless of sex, gender, race or sexual orientation is immune to the realities of domestic violence.<br /><br />Some people may think, "Really, it exists on campus? Doesn't it take place in the movies with someone who everyone knows is bad? Surely it can't happen to me. I'm too smart to put myself in that situation, right?"<br /><br />Unfortunately, domestic violence exists in Wisconsin; it even exists here on campus. From national statistics published by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), one in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, and females ages 20-24 are at the highest risk of non-fatal domestic violence.<br /><br />That means our fellow Badgers, the people we attend class with, "Jump Around" with and party with on the weekends, are often survivors of domestic violence or currently in an abusive relationship.<br /><br />When it comes to domestic violence, there is often no physical evidence of wrongdoing. It is easy to cover up bruises with long sleeves, and emotional abuse doesn't leave any plainly visible scars. But it is impossible for victims to erase the memories and effects of domestic violence.<br /><br />According to research conducted by the Domestic Violence and Mental Health Policy Initiative, victims of domestic violence are more likely to have sexual difficulties and eating disorders. Victims are also more likely to develop post-traumatic stress disorder and are at a significant risk of suicide.<br /><br />These are the issues plaguing student victims on campus, day in and day out. Try adding the challenges of PTSD on top of worrying about financial aid, getting good grades and the rest of college-imposed stresses.<br /><br />Conversely, think about how difficult it can seem to rid yourself of your largest support system. It may not make sense to you, but that's what it feels like to victims when they break it off with an abusive partner. It's a situation of constant worry, and it is something that people all over campus experience.<br /><br />Domestic violence knows no bounds. It is not limited to a specific gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, mental capacity, physical capabilities, etc. It could happen to someone with a 4.0 GPA or someone on academic probation. Unfortunately, it could happen to anyone.<br /><br />Some of the signs of an abusive partner may be: controlling behaviors, not allowing you to see friends, threatening to harm you or themselves based on your actions, telling you things to put you down or treating you as a sexual object. This list is not at all exhaustive, but demonstrates the different facets of domestic violence.<br /><br />Because any one of us could be at risk of being in an abusive relationship, it is important to know that there is help. You can get out of it, even though it may seem impossible. The Madison community and our university offer plenty of outlets for assistance. It is OK to ask for help. You are not weak for reaching out. In fact, it is one of the strongest things you can do.<br /><br />Yesterday marks the 30th anniversary of the National Day of Unity, a day started by the NCADV to bring advocates against domestic violence together. The day of awareness was turned into an entire month, and that is why DVAM is now observed throughout October.<br /><br />PAVE is observing DVAM in East Campus Mall from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. today to encourage students to sign pledges in support of healthy relationships and the victims of domestic violence. Please come out and show your support for your fellow students, community members and friends.<br /><br />If you believe you are in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723 for assistance. Locally, you can call the Dane County Rape Crisis Center's rape hotline at 608-251-7273 or Madison's Domestic Abuse Intervention Service's hotline at 608-251-4445.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Tomissa Porath wrote this article and is a PAVE media volunteer.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">PAVE is a student organization dedicated to ending sexual assault, dating/domestic violence and stalking on the University of Wisconsin-Madison campus through education and activism. PAVE's general member meeting will be held at 7 p.m. on Oct. 6 in the PAVE office, suite #3147 of the Student Activity Center. For more information or to find out how to get involved, e-mail</span> uwpavemedia@gmail.com.<br /><br />**As published in <a href="http://www.dailycardinal.com/opinion/help-exists-for-domestic-abuse-victims-1.2627567#.ToysAmWvDag">The Daily Cardinal</a>
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-41026046339426245532011-09-07T00:23:00.000-07:002012-12-03T06:35:37.538-08:00Students must act to prevent sexual assaultLast week, thousands of freshmen descended onto the UW-Madison campus. Eager to start the next chapter of their lives, most are delightfully overwhelmed with everything this tremendous university has to offer. Most are also undereducated about a reality plaguing this campus: Sexual assault.<br /> <br />Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment (PAVE) continually finds that the majority of students come to UW-Madison believing rape is something that only happens in the middle of the night when no one is around.<br /> <br />As we've seen far too many times this summer, this form of rape certainly happens and needs to be addressed, but there is another reality students need to be aware of: One in four women will be victims of rape or attempted rape during their time at college. Ninety percent of these assaults will be perpetrated by someone the victim knows. While these numbers are staggering, most students remain confused about the scenario in which sexual assaults most commonly occur. <br /> <br />Knowing this dangerous misconception exists, it should be the university administration's responsibility to inform all, but especially new students, of these undeniable realities. Currently, the university invites freshmen to participate in a sexual assault prevention program, one that has proven effective. Pre-tests show that most students start the program ill informed about the definitions, realities and dynamics of sexual assault, but, based on their post-test scores, leave with a better, more comprehensive understanding.<br /> <br />Still, only 13 percent of students completed the workshop in the fall of 2010, while 27 percent had partial completion and 60 percent did nothing at all. Because the program is not mandatory, there is no way to ensure students will take the initiative and complete it.<br /> <br />However, 80 percent of those who completed either all or a portion of the program felt it was important for colleges to provide a sexual assault prevention program to its students, this compared to 49 percent of the population who did not complete any of the program. This gap suggests that once students are taught about the realities of sexual assault, they realize how severe of an issue it is and how important it is for students to be educated about the topic.<br /> <br />One gentleman who completed the program said, "It helped me understand how I can help stop sexual assault from happening to people around me. Even if I'm not involved in it, I can help stop it." This is an incredibly powerful take-away. If every student had this attitude, the impact would be profound and felt around campus. Yet, because the university does not enforce this program, the potential for change is lost.<br /> <br />That said, we cannot simply point our fingers at the university administration and expect them to rid this community of rape. Is there more they could be doing? Absolutely, but we cannot expect anyone else to take action against rape until the majority of students step up and actively recognize it as a serious problem on campus.<br /> <br />Passive disdain for sexual assault is not sufficient. We need to use our collective voice to say we will not let our campus be a place where rape is prevalent. We will not let our institutional leaders or peers turn a blind eye when something tragic happens. And, most of all, we will not let ourselves remain idle when offered the opportunity to make a difference and learn.<br /> <br />Doing this not only means holding perpetrators accountable, but also breaking down the existent rape culture. We need to remember that alcohol is not a gateway to consent. We need to stop blaming rape victims for what they were wearing, how much they were drinking or how promiscuous they are, but instead blame the rapists for not getting consent. Most of all, we need to remember that consent is a freely given ‘yes,' not the absence of a ‘no.' Rape would occur far less frequently on campus if this simple distinction was recognized by all. Sexuality may be a private issue, but sexual assault is a community problem. We all must work together to stop it.<br /> <br />PAVE is a student organization dedicated to ending sexual assault, dating/domestic violence and stalking on the University of Wisconsin-Madison campus through education and activism. PAVE's kickoff meeting will be held at 7 p.m. on Sept. 15 in the PAVE office, room #3147 of the Student Activity Center. For more information or to find out how to get involved, e-mail uwpavemedia@gmail.com.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">-Jacqueline O'Reilly <br /><br />**As published in <a href="http://www.dailycardinal.com/opinion/students-must-act-to-prevent-sexual-assault-1.2576727">The Daily Cardinal</a> </span>
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-58965890504481906772011-03-28T15:58:00.000-07:002012-12-03T06:39:54.129-08:00PAVE volunteer sounds off on Virgin Mobile stalking commercialshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f12gqM5tvvo&feature=player_embedded<br /><br />Ugh,
this commercial is horrible!! I can't believe all of the comments on
it, too. Most of them are saying that it's hilarious and true, and the
few people that have commented about how it's bad are getting insulted. I
like this comment, though: "This is a bad commercial. It seems funny
at first....but then you realize it's showing how Facebook, and Twitter
can be used by stalkers. I bet you what they're showing has actually
happened. Imagine this ad, if the stalker was a dude instead. Much, much
less funny." I like how they're getting at the point that it's
minimizing the seriousness of stalking, showing how technology has
become a major tool for stalkers, and how it's reinforcing the idea that
all females are stalkers.<br /><br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dt-OLBdaeJM&feature=player_embedded<br /><br />Ahh,
the second one is even worse! It's like they're totally insinuating
that all girls are hysterical and "crazy" and that people will therefore
relate to the commerical and be more likely to buy the phone. And the
fact that they're portraying stalking, especially by a girl, as harmless
and comical is just disgusting.<br /><br />Post by: Stephanie Cook
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-37823706640405452752011-02-21T13:48:00.000-08:002012-12-03T06:37:11.852-08:00PAVE discusses sexual assault myths from "Law & Order"<span style="font-style: italic;">On Wednesday, Feb. 16, 2011 at 7 PM,
Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment (PAVE) screened an episode of
“Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” called “Confrontation.” Post the
viewing, PAVE hosted discussion about the portrayal of, among other
things, rape and stalking.</span><br /><br />“Confrontation” opens with the
rape of Elizabeth held at knifepoint. She soon confronts her rapist with
a club and starts to hit him. Detective Stabler, lead detective for the
Special Victims Unit, eventually finds her dead in an alley. Her murder
sparks an intense investigation into a series of rapes in the Brooklyn
area. During the investigation, the SVU discovers the victim had been
stalked by her rapist and was likely rape more than once. This holds
true with the rapist’s other victims. Throughout the episode, his other
two victims encounter a lot of turmoil, including one, Gina, committing
suicide. Eventually Luke Dixon, an office assistant at the realtor’s
office his victims were renting through, is arrested for his heinous
crimes. It is later uncovered that he rapes women to impregnate and thus
create a master race.<br /><br />All of the students found “Confrontation”
disturbing, especially its pervasive stereotypes. The first myth the
show encourages: victims do not know their attackers. This is false.
Around 90 percent of rapes occur by someone close to the survivor—an
acquaintance, a friend or partner. Myth number two: survivors cannot be
raped more than once. This, too, is false, especially since rape
survivors are at least twice (and even as high as four times) more
likely to be raped again, with people caught in a cycle of domestic
violence often experiencing repeated rape. Myth three: rape is only rape
when it’s violent. Only 10 percent of rapists use extreme force and/or a
weapon. The fourth myth the students remarked on was the show’s notion
that there is only one way to “get over” being raped: anger. There is no
one or right way to cope with being assaulted; every victim is
different, every victim wants and needs different things. Saying there
is only one way to heal adds to the victim blaming that often occurs. <br /><br />Although
the students were upset with the episode’s myths, they did remark on
its highlights. For instance, “SVU” did a good job of portraying that
rape is not about sex, but instead about power and control (although
“Confrontation” did say it was about power and rage, which perpetuates
the image of rape as angry and violent). In addition, the episode did an
excellent job of showing how under-reported rape is because of victim’s
fear of not being believed. The episode even touched on victim blaming,
showcasing that it is not always men who blame women (who are the
primary victims) for the rape. That said, students were upset that
victim-blaming occurred in the first place.<br /><br />Stalking was another
crime featured in the episode. Students remarked that it was barely
touched on, and even though it occurred, it was sensationalized and
suggested that all stalkers are psychopaths. This is a falsehood some
people would like viewers to believe, when in fact more than 75 percent
of victims are stalked by someone they know, while 30 percent of victims
are stalked by current or former intimate partners. <br /><br />By
portraying rape and stalking in sensationalized ways, the media
perpetuates myths and stereotypes about these two topics. This is not to
say that all media does this, and therefore that media is bad. However,
one needs to use a critical eye and hear when the media talks about
said issues; enabling stereotypes only covers up the reality.<br /><br />-Cara Dorzok
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-49479989664630210902011-02-09T14:55:00.000-08:002012-12-03T06:38:31.929-08:00Men needed to win fight against domestic violenceThere are countless stereotypes associated with domestic violence, but
one of the most common has to be that it is a crime solely perpetrated
against women. While there is some merit to this thought, it is not
completely true. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, 73 percent
of domestic violence victims are female. Of course, this means that 27
percent are male, and yet when people think about domestic violence, the
image of a strong man beating up a weak woman is typically what comes
to mind.<br /><br />This notion yields a negative consequence: By suggesting
that women are the only victims of domestic abuse, society believes it
is women’s problem to solve. Hopefully people realize this isn’t true,
but the stereotype has sunk in enough that there is a noticeable gap in
the number of women and number of men actively volunteering in victim
advocacy and violence prevention.<br /><br />At Promoting Awareness, Victim
Empowerment (PAVE), men are some of our most vital volunteers. In our
commitment to educate the campus about the realities of domestic/dating
violence, our male volunteers often take a leading role, writing
editorials or leading a class that delves into the specifics of such
crimes. I’ve witnessed firsthand that the difference men can make is
profound, yet there is a gap in the gender of our volunteers.<br /><br />There
are a number of possible reasons for this. Social connotations are
definitely one of them. Contrary to what some people may feel, it is not
sissy or feminine to work for an organization like PAVE. After all,
isn’t the idea of men protecting women a theme we constantly see in the
media? This is not to say men should be the shields protecting women,
but they can most certainly stand by women’s sides and help to end the
suffering. <br /><br />Another stereotype preventing male participation is
the belief that their help isn’t welcome, that a man’s involvement is a
perpetrator’s involvement. This is simply not true. It is no more fair
to men that they are constantly labeled abusers than it is to women that
they are constantly labeled victims.<br /><br />People like to think in
black and white, but for most situations, including this one, narrow
definitions don’t fit. We know the vast majority of men are
anti-violence and don’t practice it in their relationships. This routine
awareness could be channeled into violence prevention, but because of
these labels, it rarely is.<br /><br />Perhaps the ultimate reason men (and
women, for that matter) are hesitant to be active in this endeavor is
because the task of eliminating violence is daunting. Tapping someone on
the shoulder and saying, “Psst, don’t hit your partner!” rarely yields
the effects we would like, and when your gender has been stereotyped as
abusive, it can be easiest to just ignore the situation. When this holds
true, it is best to start with an approachable and doable first step.<br /><br />This
is what Ben Atherton-Zeman does. For a crime that can feel so massive,
Ben narrows domestic violence down to what someone at UW-Madison might
see or experience. Taking situations that are far too familiar, Ben
dissects the ways victims and those around them may react when
confronted with the reality of dating violence.<br /><br />He also touches
on the imperfect system of support most victims encounter when seeking
both personal and legal help. All of this is meant to shed light on an
often-silenced issue and encourage people to do something about it.<br /><br />None
of this is meant to imply that if you don’t get involved with violence
prevention you’re ignorant or don’t care about these issues. That’s
obviously not true. And while we at PAVE would love nothing more than to
see some smiling male faces in our office making buttons or at our
events, we’d also be satisfied with knowing men are out there
recognizing what the problem is and doing what they can in their
everyday lives to make sure it doesn’t happen.<br /><br />This general
awareness and casual advocacy is what Ben’s message gets at. He’s not
looking to create the next male head of PAVE, but rather day-to-day
activists who speak up when they hear a wife-beating joke, intervene
when they see an argument turn physical and support a victim when one
comes to him for help. This widespread consciousness is what will
ultimately eradicate domestic violence.<br /><br />-Jacqueline O'Reilly<br /><br />(as published in the Badger Herald on February 9, 2011)<br /><br />http://badgerherald.com/oped/2011/02/08/men_needed_to_win_fi.php
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-81152549965496908602010-12-07T09:54:00.000-08:002012-12-03T06:53:36.075-08:00Victim blaming extends beyond rape into stalkingMSNBC recently reported on a Facebook stalker who posed as a sorority
alum in order to get private information from current college students.
The stalker, apparently feeling he had some authority over the sorority,
contacted real sorority girls, and demanded from them personal
information and nude pictures, implying they would advance in their
sorority if they turned over said information. While some girls
refrained from sending their photos, others did. One of the victims,
Ashley, went straight to the police to report what had happened.
Unfortunately, the Facebook stalker has yet to be caught.<br /><br />With
stories like these popping up left and write, it’s important we remember
we should not to blame the victims for these happenings. Even though it
is recommended users refrain from putting personal information on their
Facebook profiles, people are not at blame people when this information
gets out. Instead, we need to catch stalkers like this one and
prosecute them. They are the ones truly in the wrong.<br /><br />But the
problem of victim blaming extends beyond the world of Facebook stalking.
When looking at rape cases, it’s important not to blame the victim for
whatever happened. Our society a the habit of bringing up what a woman
was wearing or the suggestive comment she made prior to being raped, and
thus determines she’s fault. This tendency is ultimately degrading to
both men and women. It suggests that women are just sex objects who
deserve to be raped depending on outfit or speech, people ready to
service men because of the mini-skirt they’re wearing. Victim blaming
also harms men, though, by suggesting all they want is sex; they’re
animals who can’t control themselves. We need to focus on the
perpetrator's actions and avoid making assumptions about such
complicated situations. Only then will an open dialogue take place, and
the problems of rape, stalking and beyond be solved. <br /><br />Link to original article: http://jezebel.com/5704278/sorority-girls-duped-by-pervy-facebook-stalker<br /><br />—PAVE Volunteer Kristine Omen
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-86576051925809148962010-12-07T09:34:00.000-08:002012-12-03T06:55:07.461-08:00POWA creates moving ad that challenges communityPeople Opposing Women Abuse (POWA) recently brought recognition to the
astonishing amount of domestic violence that occurs in South Africa. One
in three South African men reported having committed rape, moving POWA
to create an advertisement that sheds light on the high number of
incidences in this area. The ad features an experiment in which a man
plays his drums and in turn receives numerous noise complaints. In this
same neighborhood a few days later, POWA made noise reminiscent of a
couple arguing and engaging in violence. Astonishingly, unlike the
drumming incident, no one reported any kind of noise disturbances or
recognized the noise as an indicator of issues at hand. It is shocking
to learn that community members did nothing to help the woman in
jeopardy, but were quick to complain about something that posed no
physical treats to themselves or other community members. Having learned
this, it’s necessary we realize what we would do to help this
situation. Would we help, though? Would we report the noise? Or would we
stay silent, letting this happen, and reassuring ourselves that it’s
not our business? It’s time to reconsider our roles as community
members, actively supporting the idea that we can, and will, stop
domestic violence here and around the world.<br /><br />—PAVE Volunteer Kalina Seavecki
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-31102248538153281912010-11-29T14:19:00.000-08:002012-12-03T06:58:20.113-08:00"Rape": a word not to be used casuallyI recently read a story in the LaCrosse Tribune about the use of the
word “rape” to describe situations that have nothing to do with sexual
assault. The article itself was very even-handed and made no accusations
against people who use the word “rape” inappropriately. It didn’t claim
that people who use this word casually are intentionally trying to
belittle victims of sexual assault or are otherwise sexist. It certainly
didn’t call for fining or imprisoning people who use the word to refer
to situations other than an actual rape. <br /><br />Yet, that is the
reaction some people had to this article. The article was an effort to
convince people to make a free choice to use more accurate and polite
language in their conversations. It was very similar to recent efforts
to encourage people not to use the word “retarded.” However, many
commenters saw it differently. One cried, “More censorship from the
oversensitive liberal masses.” Another even claimed to sympathize with
victims of rape or other sex crimes, saying, “There are too many people I
know who've been victims of sexual crimes for me to make light of
what's a very serious issue. That being said, we as a society cannot
allow this type of politically correct censorship.” <br /><br />If the
article had argued that people who use the word “rape” inappropriately
should be subject to criminal penalties, I would wholeheartedly agree
with the above commenters. But the article didn’t say that. It was
merely a reasoned argument about why people shouldn’t use the word to
describe things that don’t have anything to do with sexual assault. In
fact, by the (incorrect) logic of these commenters, they are themselves
“censoring” the writer of the article. <br /><br />In this country we are
fortunate enough to have the right to say just about anything we want.
But we don’t have the right to speak without being criticized. You can
say anything you want, no matter how offensive it is. But other people
have the right to criticize you for saying it. You can respond by
changing your language. You can respond by making a logical argument
about why what you said actually isn’t as bad as the other person thinks
it is. Or you can just ignore the people who think you are offensive,
and continue doing whatever you want. What you can’t do is accuse people
who criticize you of censorship. Well, you can—but you are being
factually inaccurate. <br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Link to original article: http://lacrossetribune.com/news/opinion/article_0ae7bee4-f449-11df-b3a5-001cc4c002e0.html</span><br />—Alex Wagner
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-2159551830834619642010-11-02T08:21:00.000-07:002012-12-03T07:00:49.525-08:00Abusive relationships not a simple issue for victims<span style="font-style: italic;">As his fingers closed around my throat,
my brain flipped a switch that went primal. My only instincts were to
keep breathing and to kick. Turns out, heels come in handy.</span><br />Four
years ago, I experienced an all too familiar scenario in an intimate
relationship. My partner exerted his physical strength in an altercation
witnessed by five of our friends. A gaping hole was left in my
apartment wall and barely-visible bruises remained on my neck. The
sharpest memories I have of that night were of unadulterated heartbreak,
confusion and fear.<br />Scenes like the one I lived through play out all
too frequently for women everywhere, including this campus. While
dating violence, sexual assault and rape are severely underreported
crimes, at least 32 percent of college women have experienced dating
violence at the hands of a former boyfriend. Violence against women is
often socially sanctioned behavior reinforced by a "rape culture"-a term
that refers to social norms that encourage rape behavior. But this rape
culture is not limited to rape. Rather, it is part of a larger cultural
discourse that envelops many other forms of violence against women,
including dating violence.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">There
were five other people in my apartment that night. Only one of them
actively intervened on my behalf. I am forever grateful and indebted to
her for the choice she made.</span><br />Bystander intervention, which
is what my friend engaged in when she inserted herself in the drama
unfolding before her, does not occur often enough. In taking action, she
contradicted what usually happens in situations like these, labeled the
"bystander effect." The bystander effect was in full force in 1964,
when Kitty Genovese was publicly assaulted within earshot and view of
allegedly 38 people. While each of those 38 bystanders assumed that
someone was calling the police, her attacker had time to flee the scene,
returning later to rape and murder her. This is the downfall of
collective behavior. People are significantly more hesitant to act
during a nearby assault when the former are not alone, while a lone
bystander is more likely to come to a victim's aid.<br /><br />Many of us
have misconceptions about what it means to successfully intervene in a
dangerous situation. Contrary to popular belief, which assumes that
intervention guarantees danger to the good samaritan, there are other
means by which we can combat rape culture. These include giving a silent
stare when someone voices sexist or violent rhetoric, using an
appropriate amount of humor to lighten tension and distracting a
perpetrator by asking a mundane question like "Do you know what time it
is?" to divert attention. By adding these methods to our arsenal, each
of us can be prepared to actively intervene in a moment of gross
injustice.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"How could you ever
stay with him?" "When will you stand up for yourself and stop letting
him run the show?" "How could you let him do that to you?"</span><br />I
can't count how many times my family and friends asked these questions.
The relationship that I had with my ex-boyfriend lasted nearly six
years. Four years after the brief but remarkable display of physical
abuse occurred, our involvement finally came to a dramatic yet
violence-free ending. Nearly a full year later, I am still amazed not
only at how long our attachment lagged on, but also at how slowly I came
to realize the pattern of power so outwardly apparent to others
observing our relationship. Ultimately, power and control are the
necessary components to violence. There is little room for respect and
trust; traits that characterize healthy relationships. Although my
boyfriend never violated my body again and apologized deeply for his
actions, there was little respect and virtually no trust left between
us.<br /><br />It can be easier to pass judgment by grandly proclaiming that
you would never allow someone to get away with treating you "like that"
than it is to patiently listen, sans judgment, to a survivor's story.
Relationships are always complicated, but the key to most abusive
relationships is that these bonds begin much the same as non-violent
ones.<br /><br />There is love and potent physical chemistry first, but then
the ingredients for a darker, violent dynamic slowly come together.
This often emerges as a subtle pattern of behaviors that may or may not
crescendo to violent outbursts. This contradicts a popular myth that
women enter into relationships that are immediately dangerous, or that a
woman knew he was a "bad" guy before she committed to him. This
misconception leads many to a victim blaming mentality, wherein
responsibility is shifted from the abuser to his victim. There is never
an excuse for abuse. One never "loses control", rather an individual
chooses to assert power over another human being.<br /><br />-Kristina Nailen
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5236630874815596530.post-33077438909841065582010-10-15T10:42:00.000-07:002012-12-03T07:03:11.999-08:00The realities of emotional abuseThe term “domestic violence” tends to bring up sharp images of physical
and sexual assault. Granted, these are severe and frighteningly common
tragedies (1 in 4 women experience rape or attempted rape during
college), but the term doesn’t necessitate physicality. The problem is
far more wide-ranging and covert than outright assault, and in the face
of the most horrible cases of sexual violence, this fact is sometimes
overlooked. Often, domestic violence takes on a more subtle or
psychological form: Emotional abuse.<br /><br />Every couple fights, and
everyone has moments they regret. What distinguishes abuse from
occasional mistakes is the repetition of the hurtful behavior. Ignoring
someone once is one thing; ignoring someone on a regular basis to
deliberately sabotage their self-respect is completely another.<br /><br />Essentially,
emotional abuse is the systematic use of emotional tactics to
psychologically tear someone apart. These tactics include subtle
diminishing remarks, angry outbursts, cold indifference, withering
sarcasm, impossible demands, stonewalling and manipulation. Such
repeated abuse kills confidence, self-esteem, self-perception, joy and
vitality in the victim. Victims build a prevailing sense of inadequacy
from countless accusations, even blaming themselves for their own pain.<br /><br />In
contrast, many abusers have a pathological need for power over another
human being. If their partner opens up emotionally, they may interpret
it as weakness, pride themselves for holding all the emotional cards and
contemptuously get colder. If their partner sparks a conversation, an
abuser may consider it a victory in the competition for attention and
triumphantly shut their abused out. They may also regularly trivialize
and downplay their partner’s accomplishments.<br /><br />Emotional abuse is
alienating. Clever abusers are personable to outsiders and careful to
only deride their partners behind closed doors, adding to feelings of
imprisonment and confusion. They may also attempt to drive anyone their
partner turns to for companionship away through ridicule or anger.<br /><br />Emotional
abuse is unpredictable. One day the abuser is loving, but the next day
they are cruel, leaving their partner “walking on eggshells,” living on
hope.<br /><br />Perhaps the worst part is the fact that emotional abuse is
often starved of evidence. No outward bruises or scars remain, though
victims have described emotional abuse as just as painful as physical
abuse. If the victim is successfully alienated, there aren’t any
witnesses either.<br /><br />Emotional abuse is also often fiercely denied.
Among countless other forms of denial, emotional abuse is commonly
masked behind an attitude of “What’s wrong with you? I don’t know what
you’re talking about! You’re overreacting!” These comments are meant to
make the partner feel guilty or stupid for their own hurt feelings.<br /><br />Is this really an overreaction? Not if we look at the statistics:<br /><br />In
a study of 1,000 women 15 years of age or older by the Women’s College
Hospital in 1995, 39 percent reported being emotionally abused in a
relationship within the past five years. Furthermore, 36 percent were
emotionally abused while growing up and 43 percent had experienced some
form of abuse as adolescents.<br /><br />According to a 1998 Statistics
Canada study, 35 percent of all women who were married or in common-law
relationships experienced emotional abuse, whereas 29 percent of women
have been physically assaulted by their male partners. The study also
found that emotional abuse is the single greatest predictor of physical
violence.<br /><br />A focus group formed by Education Wife Assault in 1999
found that most women reported emotional abuse affects them as much as
(if not more than) physical violence and attributed long-term problems
with health, self-esteem, depression and anxiety to it.<br /><br />Men are
also victims of emotionally abusive relationships, but significantly
less often than women. Research done by the American Psychological
Association in 1996 has shown that being female is the single largest
risk factor for being a victim of abuse in heterosexual relationships.<br /><br />For
someone mired in a toxic relationship, emotional abuse can actually be
incredibly difficult to recognize. Obstacles to its recognition include
the victim distrusting their feelings or perceptions, intermittently
forgetting the abuse while the abuser is friendly, believing their pain
is their fault, feeling invalidated or stupid without any witnesses,
being preoccupied in a career or raising a family or considering the
abuse too insignificant to start an argument over. One of the greatest
difficulties is the painful realization that someone you love and care
about may be more devoted to a pathological power game than
reciprocating your love.<br /><br />Emotional abuse is devastating to lives,
relationships and families. If you or someone you know is being abused,
it is widely recommended to look for a nurturing, supportive and
qualified professional counselor.<br /><br />-David Zietlow
Nonohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763879966291490948noreply@blogger.com